Not to bring this up too early, but Thanksgiving is right around the corner and, no doubt, people are gearing up and asking the "tough" questions about their bird.  Today on the Top 5 at 7:45, I'll highlight some of the most ridiculous questions that people actually asked a turkey brand hotline and left a question on the message machine. You'll see my sarcastic responses to these questions below. Enjoy!

  1. "The turkey in my freezer is 23 years old. Is it safe to eat?" I would say if you don't make it to the NEXT Thanksgiving dinner in 2015, it probably wasn't.
  2. "Should I remove the plastic wrap before I cook my turkey?" Nah, keep it on so it will protect the bird from getting sunburned.
  3. "I don't want to cook the whole turkey, so I cut it in half with a chainsaw. How do I get the chainsaw oil out of the turkey?" Maybe refer to #4 below?
  4. "I scrubbed my raw turkey with a toothbrush dipped in bleach for three hours. Is that enough to kill the harmful bacteria?" Actually you should double that to 6 hours and then soak in pneumonia for an hour after that. That ought to not only take care of the bacteria, but the turkey as well.
  5. "I don't want to touch the giblets. Can I fish them out with a coat hanger?" Sure, just make sure you use live bait to help with the process.

The Top 5 at 7:45 airs weekdays with me, Gary Freeman and sponsored by First Education Federal Credit Union. And we would hope that if your cooking turkey this coming week, that you'd be much smarter than these folks in your preparation.

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