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Eclipse Doomsday Is Just Another Monday In Wyoming [SATIRE]

Paul Gilham, Paul Gilham
Paul Gilham, Paul Gilham

A total eclipse of the sun. What could go wrong? Well, plenty if you are a believer in worst of the worst case scenarios. But to the people of Wyoming, none of these horrid predictions are anything but another Monday in our state.

Let’s start with the Wyoming woman who thinks that a total eclipse over Yellowstone will cause it to erupt. The idea that one causes the other might make scientist laugh, but people who believe it will tell you that science is on their side. But we are so used to the idea of Yellowstone blowing up we just hope it finally does just so we don’t have to hear people talking about it anymore.

With so many out of state visitors coming to our tiny towns, we could end up running out of beer at the local bars. If that doesn’t cause a panic what will? Run out of beer? Are kidding? Wyomingites make their own home brew.

Wyoming has had to order port-a-potties from other states to handle the “load.” What if they fill up too soon. What if we run out of toilet paper? A full out house that is running out of toilet paper with the store is a three-hour drive away is something that happens all the time around here. People in Wyoming don’t buy books just because we like to read. When you need paper to finish the job, you need it.

Some small towns worry about a strain on the electrical grid. With small town’s being over run and everyone plugging in will we have brown outs or black outs? But with hard winds and hard winters, Wyomingites are used to people power blinking out. Most of us have our own generators. 

Packed highways mean break downs and emergency officials will have a hard time getting to people who need help. If you are from Wyoming you rub some dirt on it and drive yourself to the hospital.

The state of Wyoming warned that, perhaps, with so many people on their cell phones and on the internet service might grind to a halt. Now if anything would cause mass panic, that would. The people of Wyoming are used to no cell service at times and spotty internet.

Doomsday in Wyoming? BRING IT! It’s just another Monday to us.


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